from zero
by DramaDelicacy
Summary: We'll walk through the whole thing one chapter at a time— AU. Sakura-centric. Rating may change overtime.
1. 00

**.00 | prologue **

—_they like to think I'm perfect. I like to think I'm perfect, too. Unfortunately, I'm not._

* * *

You know how people like to say things like "you'll do great things in life" or "you're talented, you can do anything"—and if you know what I'm talking about, then you also know that these people are usually your family, or your friends, or if you're _very_ lucky, your teachers.

I think the thing that so many of them never really realized is that it builds up a certain kind of ego in you. It makes you think you're so _great_, so _talented, bright, _and _successful_. And the thing that _you_ never realized is that none of this is actually you. They're just words—empty words.

So when you step out of your make believe shelter that your family and friends built for you over the years, and you realized that you're actually _none_ of what they claimed you were—what do you do?

I had no idea what to do. Actually, I still don't. I have no frikken clue what to do. And it's scary.

Sometimes I talk to my friends about it, and they'd reassure me. Repeating things I already know are false: "Dude, you're really good, you have nothing to worry about." – "At least you're better than half of the people here." And my favorite: "Stop comparing yourself to other people, you're not bad at what you do."

Sometimes I really want to tell my family that I don't think I can do this. That I've made a mistake and I'm sorry for wasting your money but I think I should do something else. But I can't. Because circumstances makes this my only choice, and it's scary. It's scary and frustrating that I can't even turn to my family for support because they've given me their all, and the last thing I want to do is disappoint them.

So I would reveal ten percent of my worries to my friends, and put on a façade to my family. And with my teachers, I would pretend like I'm not worried at all. I would pretend that I'm satisfied with the level that I'm at, and that I will improve my skills by the upcoming semesters.

And so I would feel good for a while. Sometimes, if I'm very lucky, a long while—a few months, at most. And then the things would start coming back. The beautiful paintings, the unique and varying characters, the gorgeous silhouette shapes, and the expressive faces. I hate it when I start noticing them again. Most of my peers tend to be inspired but I would just loathe myself.

Especially when the beautiful things are made by someone younger than me, then everything crumbles. I would cry a little inside, as the expression goes, but I would actually wail into my pillows for an hour or so. Then I'd try drawing, and every single stroke is _wrong_.

A lot of times, after reflecting to make myself feel at least a bit better, I would tell myself that if I have the energy to cry over things that should've inspired me, I should gather that amount of energy to actually practice my skills to get better.

It's not like I don't have any skills with me. I have some, just not enough.

But I'm not a prodigy and I always feel like I need to get better _now_. I mean, half of my family is already skeptical of my decision to be an artist. And for someone who wants to work for a company, the competition is high and there are literally hundreds and thousands of people with skills far beyond mine.

And this would get me crying again. Not really.

I would just panic, and maybe draw some shit doodles of the same face facing the same direction because I suck at drawing people facing the right side. There's just something about that position that makes it very awkward and difficult to draw.

I know every artist struggles. But perhaps the struggle is a bit less difficult when you at least know what you're doing? I mean, I guess I know what I'm doing.

Do I?

Anyway, hello to you, whoever you are—my name's Sakura. Haruno Sakura. I'm a college student, majoring in Illustration. My dad wanted me to major in something along the line of business or finance, which seemed like a bad idea back then. But I was just lazy, and I didn't want to think. Now that I think about it, I should've taken up the offer because at least I'd land an office job.

But do I really want to be cooped up in some miserable cubicle? I don't know. I probably won't enjoy it much and I'd definitely wonder what would've happened if I had pursued art.

Man, I miss when everything's simpler. Like, ten years ago, you know. Back in elementary school when the hardest decision you'd have to make was choosing to either eat in the classroom or in the yard.

Well anyway, name's Haruno Sakura, just in case you missed it the first time around. This story's nothing special, really. I'm just a college student who is perhaps in the verge of madness. I think a lot of you can relate, though, and isn't that something special about writing, or reading. Well, both.

It's like we're talking to each other but it's really all one sided.

So yeah, hey, and thanks for picking up this book. We'll walk through the whole thing one chapter at a time, and hopefully we'll find a satisfying conclusion at the end. Maybe not a happy ending but hopefully something better than the beginning, a suitable closure, shall we say? Sounds good?

Yeah, I think so, too.

* * *

**a/n |**

Well, this is basically me, projecting myself through Sakura. No, seriously though, everything I said so far is me and my struggles as an artist. I'll add some bits here and there that never really happened to me, so this can be categorized as half autobiography/memoir, half fiction?

I know I have twenty stories waiting to be updated, but I really want to write this cause it's something I relate to personally. Literally.

Anyway, reviews are appreciated. I'll update this daily, maybe it can be like a diary or something.

A diary of past things, and of things that never happened. Sounds cool.

—_DramaDelicacy _


	2. 01

**.01 | chapter one**

—_she said "get a boy!" - I said "no." Because it's okay, and I won't be pressured into dating someone just because she thinks double dates are cute._

* * *

Don't you ever wonder; why is it so necessary for some girls to _have_ to have a boyfriend? It's like their life is incomplete without that masculine counterpart. Perhaps I'm just envious. Actually I'm pretty sure I'm jealous – at least a little bit, okay _maybe_ more than a little bit. I mean, why else would I be sitting here seething at every couple showing the tiniest sign of PDA?

Being in college means you finally have the freedom you've always wanted from when you lived with your parents. Things like curfews and annoying moms nagging you to clean your room, do your laundry, do your homework, walk the dog, clean the dishes, yada yada are non-existent. Not really. I mean you still have to clean your room, especially when it's gotten to the point where you can't find your assignment sheets, and obviously you have to do your laundry when you run out of underwear but otherwise everything's pretty casual.

So here I am (satisfied that I've finally cleaned my room and did my laundry, and that I'm finally freed of that 11PM curfew) with my sketchbook and drawing utensils. I have the perfect view of the café from where I sit. At the back right next to the window where I can practice some quick sketches of people walking by and further back enough so that I can see the full layout of the place.

Anyway, back to the PDA thing. That couple right there? They're sitting on the bar stools, and the barista just gave them their drinks. They're pretending they're having a normal and fun conversation but their hands are literally (not really) having sex under the table. Ew? You can say that again, I don't even know how _that's_ possible. That young couple two tables down from me? They kiss every two seconds, if I'm lucky, every five seconds. The sound of lips smacking against each other is _really_ not that bad but imagine if you have to keep hearing _smack! smack! giggle, smack! _every other second. Or whatever the sound effect of kissing is.

But yeah, look at me, twenty years of age and still single. Not like it's a big deal (okay it really is, especially when you have friends who are taken and they keep insisting you "get yourself a man so we can go on a double date!"), but it does get boring. Of course every couple is free to do what they want but they're not wrong when they say PDA makes people feel uncomfortable, especially single people in need of some sexual release.

No, I don't masturbate. Maybe I should consider that to release the tension just a little bit but I find genitals to be gross. Have you tried looking at your own vagina at a mirror when you do your semi-annual-just-in-case-I-have-STD-checkup? Like, okay, I'm a virgin so how can I even have STD? I don't know but it's not a bad thing to do your own check-up. Just like how I check whether I have a bump on my breasts every morning when I shower. Breast cancer runs in my family, so do ovarian cancer so it's only natural that I get wary.

But anyway, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, boys. Relationships. I mean, I'm not in desperate need of a boyfriend. They can be pretty distracting, especially when you have fights and troublesome things like that because suddenly you're not only responsible for yourself.

I have a goal. I do, every woman has a goal in their life concerning their career. Mine is to be successful first and to be financially stable and independent before actually considering a proper romantic relationship – which probably means I'll be a virgin until my thirties or forties. Oh well. Everything comes with a price, and career is definitely something I'm prioritizing right now.

Unless I find someone hot. What? Yeah I'm shallow, so what? Oh yeah, I just did all that talk for nothing. Well, I can't help it. I mean, when I see a hot dude I can't help but swoon. Like that guy walking through the door just now. He's at the counter ordering coffee or maybe tea, I don't know. Damn that booty, _his booty – _that beautiful, firm mass of _glutes_. And his friend just walked in too, damn he's also hot.

Wait.

Oh shit.

"Sakura-chan!" hot second dude yelled out, snapping me back to reality. "You're drooling!"

"Shut up, Naruto!" I'm pretty sure it's your fault for being so damn fine. Great, this means attractive booty is –

"Sakura," he nods at me.

"Sasuke," I nod back. Because our conversations always start this way. With nodding.

And of course, they didn't ask for permission before casually taking up the seats in front of me. I roll my eyes before cleaning up after my stuff, as in all the pens and pencil and eraser bits on the table. I get carried away when drawing, and before I know it my work station always turns to a mess – no matter where.

"I saw you seething from outside the window," Naruto grins. "Did Sakura-chan see some unwanted PDA?"

"That couple two tables behind us? Every two seconds." I hold two fingers up while gesturing them to look back.

_Smack! smack! giggle._

"Ugh," Naruto shudders. "Gross."

"_Now_ you're talking my language," I grin, hi-fiving him. I see Sasuke roll his eyes from the corner of my eyes.

"Don't judge us, Sasuke, I can see you grimacing," I turn to him, smiling.

"Hn," he grins.

These guys? They're my boys. Been friends since middle school. Got accepted to the same art school, well me and Naruto anyway – Sasuke's attending a prestigious university majoring in Business cause he's got his multi-billion dollars family company to take over once his brother retires. Naruto's majoring in Graphic design. It's pretty cool, even though his family wants him to do some politic related major since his dad's the president. Well, we call our president Hokage. I know, exotic isn't it?

Anyway, relationships and PDA can be annoying, but they're not really all that bad. Maybe one day I'll be romantically involved with someone even before I reach my career goal. And I think as long as I find someone worthy, then it'll be okay. I mean, I'll probably need the experience right? It's pretty bad to just go head on into marriage expecting it to be smooth sailing. I'll have to know what to do and how to deal with certain situations in a romantic relationship.

But that story is probably going to take a while so let's just sit back, and enjoy this peaceful atmosphere. Just me, Naruto and Sasuke. At the corner of the world, seething and judging happy couples. I wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

**a/n |**

There are two muscles forming your butt: _gluteus maximus_ and _gluteus medius_, together they make the _gluteus _muscles, or the _glutes_. Yeah I had to Google them because I forgot completely what they're called. I learned the names of all the muscles and all the bones significant to the body in Anatomy class, but the only thing I remember is the _trapezius_ (that shoulder muscle) and _clavicle _(collarbone). Also _scapula, _but I cheated on that 'cause I saw it when I looked up _clavicle_ because I forgot what the non-scientific name is.

Look at me being all gross and smart sounding, when I've actually forgotten most of the shit I learned. Shame on me.

Anyway, my family does actually have a history of ovarian cancer, and if I've offended any of you with the paragraph regarding STD and this matter then I am very, _very _sorry.

Also this story's ongoing but I guess each chapter is going to kinda be like this, with a little bit of story unraveling chapter by chapter. Not sure if you like this kinda writing or not but I do so yeah, I just write what I want.

And I feel like this is now borderline M rating, if not already M. Let me know in the reviews?

—_DramaDelicacy_


End file.
